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NutWorks, March 1985
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*** ***
*** NutWorks ***
*** ---------- ***
*** The Inter-Net Virtual Magazine which Prides ***
*** Itself on its Pride in Itself ***
*** ***
*** ================ ***
*** ***
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*** March, 1985. Issue #3, Volume I. NutWorks is distributed ***
*** monthly. Brent CJ Britton (BRENT@MAINE) virtual Editor and ***
*** Publisher. Marvin Raab (MFRQC@CUNYVM) associate virtual ***
*** Editor (and accomplice). ***
*** ***
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*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
* Note: BRENT@MAINE is on vacation as of this day, Friday, March 8, *
* 1985. He will be traveling (incognito) throughout Florida, *
* land of sun, citrus, and hot oily bodies. Please refer all *
* comminication concerning NutWorks to Marvin (MFRQC@CUNYVM) *
* for approximately the next two weeks. Thank you very much. *
* I'll think of you when I'm tanning... hee hee. *
*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
== "To Whose Moral Majority Do YOU Belong ??" ==
Fundamentalists are aggravating computer evolution.
Mankind, as a race, is forever adopting new attitudes, new "ways of
doing things." If a function is performed in the same manner for any
reasonable amount of time, the means through which it has been per-
performed will surely be altered in some way as to make the entire
situation seem different and new. This is exemplified by entities
such as constantly changing styles of dresswear, the physical
appearance of automobiles, and the frequent passage of "fads." For
the most part, though, there are a finite number of ways in which
things can feasibly be changed. That is, once something has been
altered a certain number of times, there are simply no more
possibilities left for change. As a result, patterns of change begin
to form cycles. We do function X in manner A; soon, A becomes boring
so we advance to manner B; realizing that B is equally mundane, we see
manner A as being the best way after all and once again
advance(/revert(?)) to doing function X the way we did before. The
cycle continues, in time, ad absurdum.
Ever since binary_1 was added with binary_1 to result quite
properly in binary_2 by the roomfull of machinery named ENIAC,
computers have by far been the most consistent creatures of change.
Moreover, the attitudes held by those responsible for directing and
managing the use of computer facilities have done the same. And these
attitudes are the very type which eternally change in unending cycles.
One fine day, someone wearing Coke-bottle eye-glasses and a long
white lab coat--in the pocket of which he kept several thousand ink
pens-- said, "Holy catfish!" and went on to explain at length how he
had figured that if THIS computer were rigged up with THAT computer,
the two could be "linked" so that folks using either computer could
interact with one another. And so began the glorious days of computer
communication... The days when operations managers boasted of their
ability to send and receive files to and from half way across the
country... The days when System Programmers worked diligently on
producing CHAT machines... And on the eighth day, Man invented
computer network links, and man saw the network that it was good...
The fact that the "Computer System Alpha-Numeric Logon
Identification Code" is much more realisticly called an "account
number" stems from the inevitable change that began to take place in
proportion with the availability of computer services to the public.
Those people whose minds are geared to do so started to ponder
questions of payment. Operations Managers, Computing Center
Directors, they are all good people. For the most part, they are very
intelligent and truly concerned about the needs of their system and
those who make use of it. And they all have superiors to whom they
must answer and from whom they obtain funding.
The fascination with communication via computer networks has long
since dwindled in the minds of those who pay for it. The trend among
them lately is to closely monitor, if not restrict computer usage
which they feel to be nonproductive or unnecessary. In many cases,
this includes any and all participation in electronic conferencing
(chatting), making use of system printers for anything other than true
blue output (in the programming sense of the word), and the use of
file sending/receiving capabilities for anything other than mail and
batch processing. This magazine, of course, is in violation of that.
These people have legitimate complaints. Someone out there is
paying for vast amounts of CPU time, and that someone should have
every right to be sure that his money is not being wasted. It is also
completely up to that someone to decide just what qualifies as
"waste".
Perhaps the problems with restrictions would be alleviated if users
paid for their own machines. Students and employees could be issued
machines for classwork and work-work respectively. These machines
could be monitored and restricted from any unnecessary usage. Each
person could have the option of purchasing ANOTHER machine to be used
for anything else. Users who wanted to do things other than that
which was deemed "necessary" would be free to do so on their very own
accounts. Many centers offer a limited number of logon id's to anyone
who requests one, for a modest price. Many people on the Net are
already paying to be there.
It's difficult to speculate whether these restrictive attitudes
will fall into the cycle of recurrence. In a few years, as computer
time becomes less expensive, perhaps the restrictive grip will loosen.
Or perhaps things will worsen until the web of the network is severed
completely at the cutting hands of those who no longer support it.
Brent
====================
COMPUTER COMMUNICATION: DEVELOPMENT OR DISEASE?
BY MARVIN RAAB MFRQC@CUNYVM FEB 20 1985
Having majored in communication arts with computer and journalism
background (not to mention being a ''ferret''), I'd like to discuss
the latest craze to sweep not only the United States, but a number of
other countries as well. This craze, although it has yet to be linked
to cancer, affects it's victims with symptoms such as lack of sleep,
greater telephone usage, greater typing speed and accuracy, and an
emotional attachment to a person or group of persons which the victim
has never met.
You guessed it: BITNET/EARNET CHATTING. Victims of this relatively
new affliction are known as BITNAUTS. No one knows the exact number of
BITNAUTS since many of them do not wish to declare themselves as such,
but estimates range from 500-1500. The typical BITNAUT is a male
college student between the ages of 17 and 25. His grades are average
and he is extremely computer literate. These statistics were derived
solely from observation and they do not describe EVERY bitnaut. There
are Bitnauts of every age, sex, race, educational background, and
career goals.
Let's examine the facets to Chatting. For this article,
''chatting'' refers to one-on-one discussions as well as electronic
conferencing.
The Basics: Almost everyone at most of the 200 nodes has access to
BITNET. Most nodes have over 500 users of which 200 are logged on at
any one time. Doing some quick math, we find that 40,000 people are
logged on at any one time. Of course, time zones come into play here
add, while CUNYVM may have 250 people logged on at 8pm EST, WEIZMANN
may have only 10 at that hour. In any case, there are literally
thousands of people logged on at any one time; each one of them able
to communicate with any other; relatively free of charge.
After the original novelty of talking to someone who is sitting
many miles away diminishes, semi-serious conversation occurs.
Schoolwork and leisure activities are the common topics. If the
Bitnauts continue at this rate for more than a few days, they will
usually become closer friends and discuss items which close friends
usually discuss (personal problems, serious political beliefs, etc.)
Electronic conferencing is slightly different. The Bitnauts are
familiar to eachother. An individual's unique nickname along with his
chatting technique contribute to bonds between chatters. These
chatters will usually extend their newly found friendship to the level
of one-on-one in the following weeks.
Electronic conferencing also serves the need for ''company''. How
many chatters actually think they hear the voices of the others while
reading the screen? The more lines of conversation, the louder the
little voice in your head reads. In addition, no one can see you. If
you are the ugliest person in your city, no one will know. This
provides an excellent opportunity to the otherwise shy individual. For
the obnoxious individual, electronic conferencing is also ideal. He
can talk (type) while others are also typing and no one needs to wait
till someone else finishes his sentence.
The extroverted individual is also given the chance of a lifetime
since he has a captive audience. Females are able to openly flirt with
strangers where they are normally prohibited from doing so in
contemporary society. Males are provided access to girls like never
before.
One would never go up to a stranger in the street and ask what the
weather is like in a particular city. If he did, he would be given
ridiculous stares and be greatly embarrassed. BITNET, with its
characteristic of almost total anonymity, allows us to cross the bound-
ary of embarrassment. (When was the last time you were embarrassed on
BITNET?)
The CPQ NAMES command greatly resembles a conventional telephone
directory. The major difference between that book and the command lies
in the intrinsic recognition of ID's or BITNET addresses. An id of
CS11124@ANYWHERE announces to the BITNAUT that the user is a student
taking computer science, probably the first class in the field. This
is quite different from seeing J. Doe 15-15 Cherry Street.
Another analogy to telephone calls is the instinctive response to
an unknown caller, "Sorry, wrong number" and the receiver hangs up the
phone. Using BITNET however, receiving a message from an unknown ID
will yield opposite results. The fear of a "crank call" is eliminated
and a conversation often results unless of course the receiver is
preoccupied).
A major flaw in BITNET relationships is the obvious lack of
physical contact. Eye contact is very essential to the development of
friendships. BITNAUTS have succeeded in remedying this to the
greatest possible extent. The smile ( :-) ), the kiss (**kiss**),
the simulated laughter (tee hee, hee hee) and many others serve to
paint an accurate picture of nonverbal communication in the minds of
the receivers. However, the lack of close proxemics never leaves the
conscious thoughts.
In any system of human interaction, soap opera situations develop,
and BITNET is not immune. There are countless situations of this type
occuring between BITNAUTS at any time and they have become the threads
to the fabric of the BITNET society. As the number of BITNAUTS
increases, so will the number of characters in these soaps as well as
the number of these soaps.
Another observation relates to actual meetings of Bitnauts.
Sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. There is absolutely no
possible way to predict which relationship will retain and further
develop it's on-line roots, and which will wither away.
BITNAUTS from North America are unlikely to meet their counterparts
in other countries, although a few travellers will have this pleasure.
However, one must consider the plight of BITNAUTS from the west coast.
The majority of nodes are within 1000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean and
almost all are within 2-8 hours driving time from neighboring nodes.
This has resulted in many meetings, not to mention the convention(s).
How do the BITNAUTS from the State of California feel about this?
The results (positive as well as negative) of BITNET relations has
yet to be seen. There are undoubtedly dangers involved (imagine an
emotionally unstable BITNAUT) but to restrict users at nodes from
BITNET use is not the answer. BITNET has become an important addition
to the lives of college students of this world, just as television
entered the lives of society almost 50 years ago. And just as that
medium has had it's share of problems and positive products, so will
computer networks. What better way to start than with the college
students of the world?
=====================
** A Joke **
(Try not to fall out of your chair over this one... go on, try.)
There was, in Italy, a certain vampire, looking for a place to
live. He finally settled upon a bridge between two cities, since the
heavy foot traffic would make it very easy for him to find victims
when he was hungry.
Several weeks passed....the vampire was taking young women from the
bridge, drinking their blood, and throwing them over the side of the
bridge. Strangely, though, there had been no outcry over the missing
girls or any kind of search for them. The vampire began to wonder,
what happened to the bodies after he threw them over the bridge?
So, the next time he took a woman from the bridge and tossed her
over the side, he looked over to see what happened to her. Very
shortly, a large troll came out from under the bridge, slung the girl
over his shoulder, and walked away, singing "Drained Wops Keep Falling
on my Head".....
doctor
=====================
Virtually Unanswerable Questions
compiled & executed by Marissa
(SYMCC023@CUNYVM)
Why are some Bitnetters so hung up on knowing their
virtual friends' last names?? (Brent: it's Cascio--
as in calculators--no relation!)
Why are some Bitnetters so determined to keep even
their FIRST names secret?? (Mr. X, I mean you!!)
Why do people from halfway across the continent
include their phone numbers on their Bitnet mail??
Am I supposed to call them???
Does Bitnet mail cost 22 cents now?
Speaking of cents, why doesn't my keyboard have a
cents sign???
When a link is disconnected, why does your own node
always blame it on the other guy??
Why is there a LOGMSG if all it ever says is:
TYPE NEWS FOR SYSTEM INFORMATION ???
Is software tangible or intangible??
Why does VMBACKUP take longer than recreating all
your files from scratch??
Why doesn't the virtually impossible machine at CUNYVM
save a copy of the file I was editing when it crashed???
(WYLBUR does!!!)
Does anyone use CP? Does anyone care??
If CUNYVM does accounting twice daily, why does my
account balance remain the same for a week???
Why the hell am I asking you all this???
=====================
Problem: The question arose while poring over the following cash
register receipt from Burger King, "Why is the word 'WHOPPER'
misspelled?":
,-------------------------,
³ ³
³ BR KING 1909 ³
³ 16 F E B 13:18 ³
³ ³
³ ³
³ 1 WHOPER 1.40 ³
³ *** ONL Y ³
³ K O ³
³ 1 CHICKEN 1.79 ³
³ 1 EAT IN .00 ³
³ 1 FRIES .52 ³
³ 1 PEPS L .70 ³
³ 1 DIET L .70 ³
³ TX .31 ³
³ 32 TOTAL 5 5.42 ³
³ ³
³ ³
³ ³
³ CASH 6.00 ³
³ RET URN .58 ³
³ ³
'-------------------------'
Hypotheses:
1. Fields are a maximum of 6 characters long.
rejected; 'CHICKEN' extends into column 7.
2. Whoever programmed the system can't spell properly.
rejected; Burger King management would damn well make sure that the
names of their products were spelled correctly. Also, other anomalies
exist, i.e., the blanks in the words "ONLY" and "RETURN," and the left
margin is ragged.
3. Burger King cash registers can only print certain characters in
certain columns, forcing the odd spelling and odd format. This
hypothesis seems to have the most merit. The original receipt shows
that the printing mechanism prints characters from fully-formed
images, not in a dot-matrix form. Thus we can visualize the print
mechanism as consisting of a rotating wheel for each column. Since to
fit all 36 alphamers on each wheel would probably give them too great
a diameter to be practical, only a selected subset of the letters are
put on each wheel, and the spelling and positioning of the item names
has to be adjusted to fit this scheme.
It would appear that Burger King even chooses the names for new
products with the design of their cash registers in mind. For
example, their fish sandwich is called the "Whaler", which is easily
printed using the W, H, E, and R from 'WHOPER', the A from 'EAT IN'
and the 'L' from 'ONL Y'. However, it could just have easily been
called 'FISH' by taking the F in 'FRIES', the I in 'DIET', and the S
and H from 'CASH', so it appears that even this hypothesis is a little
weak.
Any other hypotheses and further research by readers would be
welcomed.
+++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++ +++++++
Received: by MAINE id 1110; Fri, 01 Mar 85 05:59:35 EST
Subject: The reason why WHOPPER is spelled WHOPER.
To: Brent Britton
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